New Approach
I’ve noticed a bit of the old toxic behaviour creeping in so I’m going to try an AA technique. I’m simply going to count the days of moderation.
So today I can say……I am prone to excess & it has been three days since I last binged.
Funnily enough it was Friday the 13th when I last lost it.
A Social Drink
I noticed this weekend that I went from being a perfect gent to a bit of an arse. On Friday I was a moderate drinker & charming. On Saturday afternoon I was a ‘perfect gent’. From Saturday night onward (as the cumulative alcohol intake hit home) I became somewhat socailly inept, boorish & unelloquent.
There were moments where there was no talk, no dancing & so forth. In those moments I need to hold something in my hand & a drink it is. But it is self-defeating. I need to get comfortable in my own skin! Perhaps sometimes I just need to deal with awkward silences by staying awkward & not getting drunker.
It is another lesson on this road I am on.
But on the plus side I’m nowhere near as bad as I used to be.
Psychology
I’ve noticed two thing recently.
Firstly I’m increasingly argumentative. Not quarrelsome but rather far more inclined to disagree with people. I take issue with small inaccuracies & debate them with a force their [lack of] importance does not merit. I found myself taking issue with the precise definition of a wormery the other day. What on earth for!
Secondly the impact of work. I went back to my old work for a 2 week stint. All that happy go lucky energy disappeared in the days following. My conversation became monosylabic & my ability to be positive & happy with people outside work disappeared. Is this a case of using up all my testosterone at work I wonder or is it the nature of the job itself. If I didn’t work with the same intensity would I have more left in the tank for other areas of my life? I hope so because if it is just the nature of the work will have to change careers. In any case it will be good to know which.
