Secrets
Here is a link for anyone who feels they are alone. Have you ever asked yourself how many secrets you have?
I have three. Seeing an alcohol councillor is one of them.
The others….mind your own business!
Coucillor Session 2
It’s Friday night and I am wondering what to do with my weekend. I am a little bored & given the time of the week that spells danger. So as a distraction I’ll blog about my latest visit to ‘Bill’.
Practicals
The first part of the meeting was easy for me as we dealt with the very practical aspect of planning. He liked the plan I came up with in the last blog and didn’t add anything to it. Rather he pushed me a little on anything that might be unachievable (nothing in my opinion) and my knowledge of ABV (alcohol by volume) & its relation to units.
I hadn’t really though much about ABV & units previously which is a shame because it provides logic. They were unheard of when I began drinking. I suppose because drinking is something I am so used to I’ve never re-appraised it in the light of this new measure. I’m guessing 10 units consumed slowly would get me on the edge of ‘happy’ and slightly drunk. Using this as a provisional upper limit consider the following:
- 1 pint of Fosters: 4% abv : 2.3 unit
- 1 pint of Kronenburg: 5% : 2.9 units
- 1 pint of Stella: 5.2% abv : 3 units
Therefore:
- 4 x Fosters = 9.2 units (‘happy’/drunk border)
- 4 x Kronenburg = 11.2 (solidly drunk)
- 4 x Stella = 12 units (solidly drunk)
Stella & Kronenburg are 20% stronger by ABV & c.25% stronger by unit. These are big percentages when multiplied out through the course of a night. While I knew the pecking order of strength I didn’t realise the magnitude. Normally I drink Fosters anyway but if it isn’t supplied or they are out I’ll take Kronenburg and as a last resort Stella. Never again.
- Single 20ml 40% spirit (eg J.D. or Vodka) – 1.4 units
- Double 20ml 40% spirit (eg J.D. or Vodka) – 2.8 units
Therefore 7 measures hits my provisional limit. But consider that:
- Many bars serve doubles as standard with no single option.
- Rounds of shots which are drunk instantly with no mixer (my worst nightmare)
- People at parties don’t use measures & always are generous (should always count these as double or even triples!)
What genuinely surprises me is that I could drink seven single shorts with mixer and have the same unit count as 4 pints of Fosters. Which means if I got stuck in a round with pint drinkers I’d be on 5.6 units by the end of the 4th round. Nearly half as much!
- 250ml glass of wine – 12% abv – 3 units
- 750ml bottle of wine – 12% – 9 units
A glass of wine is as strong as Stella! And a bottle is akin to three Stella. That is another huge surprise. And if I drank a bottle I’d be under my prospective 10 unit limits but I’m sure I’d be drunk.
I think I’ll need some sort of cheat sheet in my wallet to calculate any complex drink combos.
Psychology
I felt we made progress so I am not too concerned with his credentials. Yet I do wonder whether he is qualified to delve into my psyche. If you’ve ever had this done you may agree it is an unusual and unbalancing experience. What is clear is that it is a lot harder than calculating drink strength.
He took me through an interesting exercise. Previously we have identified social situations as a trigger because I often feel awkward in them. He got me to describe a particular situation, then I relived my awkwardness but he asked me to stay with that feeling. I focused on it and I could feel the physical sensation of it acutely. First it was in my stomach, then it moved to head feeling like a halo of heat. My ability to express myself disappeared, so did my clarity of thought & couldn’t look at Bill. Then it travelled downward through my neck, chest & stomach & i felt it leave. Through my ass! Although Bill says it is more likely that it found my center in my stomach 
Freaky stuff. What am I supposed to draw from that. Perhaps it is simply to know what I am feeling so I can recognise it and deal with it or atleast not react to it.
The rest of the session was taken up with me explaining my social self & him repeatedly concluding that I beat myself up way too much. He kept saying it is ok to be awkward & that everyone else feels awkward too. If I stood in Sauchiehall St I wouldn’t be alone in that feeling.
Is a lack of confidence at the root of everything. Probably & alcohol doesn’t help. I’m much less anxious & funnier without it. I mean who wants to talk to a drunk. Not me anyway.
Alcohol Councillor
After a particularly embarrassing and socially disastrous Hogmanay I phone the Scottish Alcohol Helpline. Through them I self-referred to the Scottish Alcohol Agency. I have just returned from my first meeting with my alcohol councillor ‘Bill’ (not the real name).
I will blog in greater detail on this but while it is fresh I will summarise the conclusions.
1) In many social situations I feel awkward and/or lacking in confidence. This is a trigger. ‘Everyone’ feels awkward. I am not alone. Boredom in social situation is a trigger (social situations full stop?). I feel awkward in Scotland especially.
2) Moderation is recommended in my case not abstinence. If moderation fails then I’ll know abstinence is the way to go.
3) Moderation is defined as drinking without getting drunk. When we are drunk we have reached the point of invincibility. I suppose he means when we have lost touch with rationality/reality.
4) There is NEVER a situation where I should feel I have to drink.
5) I don’t enjoy alcohol generally. I do enjoy it in a few limited situation. EG Apres Ski with other moderate drinkers, by the river in Chiswick (again with other moderate drinkers). Now I think about it it is primarily location and company that have defined the amount of alcohol consumed.
6) Learning to box has increased my physical confidence and therefore decreases anxiety in social situations. Continue this.
A lot of this wasn’t self evident before. It was surprisingly close to the surface but I wasn’t conscious of it only sub-consciously aware. When walking down Sauchiehall St afterward I felt more confident and a slight buzz.
