Drinkers’ Triple Play
Three songs that every problem drinker should be aware of. Hope you like them…..
#1 – Gill Scott Heron – A true lyrical & musical genius.
#2 – Wet Wet Wet – Hold Back The River. A band which refuses to have any alcohol company sponsorship at their gigs. And yes I know it’s the Wets but you may be suprised to learn of their Soul roots.
#3 – Marillion – Going Under – The lead singer (drinks like a) ‘Fish’ was an alcoholic. This whole album was about his problem.
The Interaction of Everything
I am 32 years old. In the last year my world has shrunk around me. There are now few friends, no colleagues & few reasons to leave the house. I’m on a break from the world partly because I’m a bit of a drinker & partly because I’d had enough of interacting. I’ve talked a lot about the former but little about the latter.
There is a phenomenon I have christened ‘The Interaction of Everything’. To explain this I will present to you the life of Man A & Man B.
Man A lives in 1960’s London. He has a house in the inner city with all the amenities. A telephone, a black & white TV (without remote) & a radio. In the morning his post arrives & he reads a letter from his brother in Sydney. The news is a few weeks old of course but it is nice to hear from him as he only writes every 3 months or so. Man A would love to see him but it is a once in a lifetime trip.
Man A leaves for work & boards a tube. There is one advert on the way in for Bovril. He reads his paper which has only tight concise articles on Britain & Britain’s interests in the world. He reads this without great worry as he largely agrees with all that is written. Who doesn’t? Perhaps those hippies at the Isle of Wight festival but he doesn’t move in those circles.
Man A arrives at the office & works methodically preparing a report. Interruptions are seldom. For lunch he has a ham sandwich as usual. In the afternoon he makes one call to a supplier, presents his report (the summation of a weeks work) & makes a couple of phone calls.
In the evening he goes home & watches one of the three TV channels. He goes to bed & sleeps soundly.
Man B lives in modern London. He has a house in the inner city with all the amenities. A telephone, a multi-media TV, a DVD, a laptop, a mobile & a games console. In the morning he checks his email. Just yesterday his Sister in Law in Australia gave birth to a son & he is looking at the digital pics. A man in Nigeria with a small fortune wants to give it to him in exchange for a small fee of 10 grand and someone thinks he needs viagra. At that moment his download of the latest 50 Cent track completes. Then he checks flight costs to Oz. How much is an air ticket he thinks. Mind you he just went last year.
Man B leaves for work & boards a tube. On the way down the escalator there are adverts every half a meter. Each minute the surface on which they are plastered rotates & a new advert is visible. By the time he alights at the bottom he has seen 3 different ads on each of the 15 rotatable hoardings. Many of the ads are for TV programmes he can watch later or music he can download at work.
He reads his paper which has a main body & three pull out sections on specialist areas. There is a wealth of colour photos, exciting fonts & graphics. There are not only the facts but results of the straw poll conducted on the interactive zone of the website. A semi-serious celebrity passes comment on the issue. He focuses on an article about one of the many woes in the world & how they are his fault for living in a former colonial power in the wealthy west. He starts to feel guilty but isn’t really sure why. Then he reads about some other horror 2000 miles away & starts to feel depressed. Then a murder close to home & he feels fear. The train arrives at his destination & he’s read about 5% of your vast newspaper. He’d throw it in the bin but he’d feel guilty about the rainforest.
Man B arrives at the office & begins to clear his 50 emails. Interruptions are constant. Whether via email, mobile, landline or blackberry but hardly ever in person. He has time to react but none to act. For lunch he can choose from all the foods of the world. London is after all a very multicultural place. In the afternoon it is more of the same & work drags on late in the evening
In the evening he goes home & flicks through one of the three 300 channels. Nothing is on so he opts for some interactive gaming. When he goes to bed he is exhausted but he can’t sleep. It’s as if his brain refuses to stop thinking. It is waiting for stimulus.
This is the ‘Interaction of Everything’. The constant non solicited stimulus plus the incredible complexity of a globalised techno savvy world. A phenomenon which snowballs with each new change.
I have enjoyed the travel, the cuisine, the internet, the knowledge of the world & its issues but all at once & all the time is exhausting. Where is the peace & serenity that the brain requires for recovery from day to day grind?
Rememberance of Things Past
This blog has been of the present. As the present has been brought under control I find myself looking at the past. I could recount a litany of drunken stupidity. For that is the most obvious consequence of my drinking.
Yet I’ve come to realise it was decision making that alcohol changed the most. Before I was a heavy drinker I made good choices about everything. When I was either drunk, drinking, hungover, sober (but tired & paranoid) there was an absence of choice. I just went with the flow & tried not to upset anyone. Perhaps it was the paranoia & constant fear. The current just took me wherever. It was only when I cut down that I started re-asserting myself.
I feel very much like the person I was in my early adulthood. And that person was a good person. Someone I liked & selected others thought was special. Not some drunken hump.
List 1. Abscence of choice leads to:
- Doing a job I hated for 7 years
- Living in a city I did not like for 7 years
- Not moving house for 5 years despite a growing discontentment with my living situation
- Failure to reconnect with the one I want to grow old with (partly her fault I might add!)
- Not choosing true friends & therefore becoming socially disconnected
- Becoming disinterested in everything
List 2: Making Choices /Re-asserting myself has lead to:
- Quiting the job & beginning a new career (Stock Trading)
- Quiting the city
- Quiting the house
- Trying (though failing) to recapture the girl’s heart. Close but no cigar.
- Buying a guitar
List 3: The choices I still need to actively make:
- Being successful at Stock Trading
- Buying a flat as a permanent base in a city I know & like
- Living abroad for a time
- Joining a club / get some hobbies (maybe adventure racing or surfing)
- Making some real friends by being sober & charming (yes I can if I try!)
- Fix my busted elbow & ear. I want to feel healthy.
- Finding an interesting intelligent & beautiful girl with a good heart
ps – life is good!