A Bit of Normal Abnormalness
I’ve been going stir-crazy at home so I went out in Edinburgh on Saturday night. This is the first time I’ve had a proper night out in at-least 2 months. The bad news is I slipped up. I can’t remember the end of the party last night or how I got home. I broke a lot of my drinking rules.
I can actually pin-point the moment I lost control. I’d been drinking shandy (lager & lemonade) & talking a lot. But then in another bar I was offered a drink even though I already had one. So I caved and asked for a G & T. Hey presto I was double parking. A drink in each hand. After that the pace just quickened and I didn’t at any point think about stopping. I didn’t even count the number of drinks I’d had let alone the units.
Yet there are positives. I did actually follow a lot of rules. For example I refused all drinks in the early evening, all drinks before food, I drank shandy for the first few hours and I didn’t take a hair of the dog. And I did this all as if it was second nature!
So the next step is to make the rest of my rules habitual. I really need to how much I’m imbibing & how quickly. And crucially I need to be able to sit at a party during a pause in conversation and not reach for my bottle. To be uncomfortable without it acting as a trigger.
On another note. Did the alcohol actually enhance my evening? If there is a spectrum from sober to messy drunk I’d say booze ceases to be an enabler after the merry stage. About 3 pints. Up till then I was really enjoying the people & I think they were warming to me. I was actually being quite charming….shocker! After that they were still cool with me but I couldn’t think quick enough to amuse & entertain. Also I was chatting to this really intelligent interesting & attractive girl. Intelligence is just such a turn on for me. But while I did get a kiss I don’t have a phone number. And I would have if I’d been a bit more compus mentus at the party.
The crux is that I had a the best time when I was sober or merry & the rest was just ok.
Two Cans Short of a Four Pack
I’m firmly in the safe zone right now. My intake is under 21 units a week and I haven’t been anything more than merry for a fortnight. Last night I had two cans & left the other two in the fridge. That is a first! No really it IS a first. If alcohol is there it usually gets drunk.
I’ve been hunting for blogs on moderation but have found none. Is this because it is too tame a subject? After all alcoholism is an extremity. It is something for which journaling is recommended and it is something that provides dramatic moments. Perhaps there is more to write about. Not so for moderation?
Moderating In A More Challenging Environment Part II
The wheels came off. The consequences of utter social disaster were avoided by the narrowest of margins.
To complete my list of alcohol imbibed while in England:-
- Wednesday – none
- Thursday – 1 can lager (2.3 units)
- Friday – 0.5 bottle of wine, 2 * single gin, 1 pint (9.6 units)
- Saturday – 3 * bottled beer, 8 measures of gin, 1 pint (18 units)
- Sunday – none
In all 29.9 units. Plus 48 units (see previous post) makes…..
- 78 units in 9 days (or 3.5 times the safe weekly limit)
- 8.7 on average a day (2 times the daily safe limit)
- or 13 units on average for each actual drinking day (3 times the daily safe limit)
It is terrible when you see it all written down. Worst of all I have been less of a drunk this week than I used to be in normal life. I don’t even want to think of the health consequences of that.
On the last Saturday I really did lapse back into the old steaming drunk NormalAbnormalDrinker of old. I even told my lady friend that she was a ‘typical example of boring moderation’. Can you believe that! How twisted alcohol can make you!! I laughed my head off when she told me that in the morning. Fortunately so did she.
What to do about it? I successfully implemented 6 of 16 rules. About two thirds. I am drinking two thirds too much so maybe I should impliment the rest.
What would happen if I’d had one soft drink (as per the rules) on each night. That’s c.12 units knocked off. (66 total)
And if I’d gone to the cinema one night instead. Another 13 units off. (53)
And if I’d stopped at 10 units each other nights. (50)
That would be 20 units over 1.5 weeks allowance. Though that allowance isn’t exactly lax given the way we are in the UK.
So I can get a lot less unhealthy but I’d have to change my social focus (sport?) to really be within health limits.
Moderating In A More Challenging Environment
My success this year has come in the form of near total abstinence. This has been easy as I haven’t been out of the house to socialise. Last week I travelled to the South of England to see friends. This means socialising, pubs and meals. So how have I been getting on?
I’ve been here for six nights so far. The tally is as follows.
- Thursday – none.
- Friday (10.2 units) – 1 wine and 3 Fosters. Kept to my 10 unit limit. Noticed this made me a little drunk. This shows that 10 units is rally the outer limit. Should I be aiming for 8 units?
- Saturday – (11 units) Went to the Theatre. An ideal way of socialising where the main focus is not alcohol. 1 measure of gin pre-theatre, 1 large glass of wine during & later at home 3 measures of gin + 1 lager. Starting to edge into the danger zone as often happens when I drink more than one night in a row.
- Sunday (5.6 units) – Had a meal. My friend drank wine & I had coke. Drank c.4 measures of Gin when I got home.
- Monday (4.6 units) – 4 lager shandies. A little pacy with my friends but slower than my stressed out cousin. Need get into a good habit with drinking speed. Still too variable.
- Tuesday (11.4 units) – 1 small & two large glasses of wine & 1 pint. I was almost automatically checking my drinking speed during the meal. Though I was slightly drunk by the end of the night. I didn’t need that last pint.
On the positive side I’ve moderated with some success. I haven’t once been smashed and have taken steps to avoid that.
However the drinking is daily. I haven’t been able to abstain while others drink & I am bending my 10 unit limit too much. Considering 10 units is probably too much that is not good. Also I didn’t make the 21 units a week government recommendation. 42.8 in six days in a shocker.
Psychologically I have to break the idea that alcohol = sociability. An occasion won’t be awkward just because I am not drinking. I drank most days because I’ve been social most days.
I need to socialize without alcohol as a habit forming exercise. Recent experience has shown that habits can be broken and created without herculean efforts. I’ve been surprised to see some unthinking acts of moderation & control creeping into my behaviour.
Coucillor Session 2
It’s Friday night and I am wondering what to do with my weekend. I am a little bored & given the time of the week that spells danger. So as a distraction I’ll blog about my latest visit to ‘Bill’.
Practicals
The first part of the meeting was easy for me as we dealt with the very practical aspect of planning. He liked the plan I came up with in the last blog and didn’t add anything to it. Rather he pushed me a little on anything that might be unachievable (nothing in my opinion) and my knowledge of ABV (alcohol by volume) & its relation to units.
I hadn’t really though much about ABV & units previously which is a shame because it provides logic. They were unheard of when I began drinking. I suppose because drinking is something I am so used to I’ve never re-appraised it in the light of this new measure. I’m guessing 10 units consumed slowly would get me on the edge of ‘happy’ and slightly drunk. Using this as a provisional upper limit consider the following:
- 1 pint of Fosters: 4% abv : 2.3 unit
- 1 pint of Kronenburg: 5% : 2.9 units
- 1 pint of Stella: 5.2% abv : 3 units
Therefore:
- 4 x Fosters = 9.2 units (‘happy’/drunk border)
- 4 x Kronenburg = 11.2 (solidly drunk)
- 4 x Stella = 12 units (solidly drunk)
Stella & Kronenburg are 20% stronger by ABV & c.25% stronger by unit. These are big percentages when multiplied out through the course of a night. While I knew the pecking order of strength I didn’t realise the magnitude. Normally I drink Fosters anyway but if it isn’t supplied or they are out I’ll take Kronenburg and as a last resort Stella. Never again.
- Single 20ml 40% spirit (eg J.D. or Vodka) – 1.4 units
- Double 20ml 40% spirit (eg J.D. or Vodka) – 2.8 units
Therefore 7 measures hits my provisional limit. But consider that:
- Many bars serve doubles as standard with no single option.
- Rounds of shots which are drunk instantly with no mixer (my worst nightmare)
- People at parties don’t use measures & always are generous (should always count these as double or even triples!)
What genuinely surprises me is that I could drink seven single shorts with mixer and have the same unit count as 4 pints of Fosters. Which means if I got stuck in a round with pint drinkers I’d be on 5.6 units by the end of the 4th round. Nearly half as much!
- 250ml glass of wine – 12% abv – 3 units
- 750ml bottle of wine – 12% – 9 units
A glass of wine is as strong as Stella! And a bottle is akin to three Stella. That is another huge surprise. And if I drank a bottle I’d be under my prospective 10 unit limits but I’m sure I’d be drunk.
I think I’ll need some sort of cheat sheet in my wallet to calculate any complex drink combos.
Psychology
I felt we made progress so I am not too concerned with his credentials. Yet I do wonder whether he is qualified to delve into my psyche. If you’ve ever had this done you may agree it is an unusual and unbalancing experience. What is clear is that it is a lot harder than calculating drink strength.
He took me through an interesting exercise. Previously we have identified social situations as a trigger because I often feel awkward in them. He got me to describe a particular situation, then I relived my awkwardness but he asked me to stay with that feeling. I focused on it and I could feel the physical sensation of it acutely. First it was in my stomach, then it moved to head feeling like a halo of heat. My ability to express myself disappeared, so did my clarity of thought & couldn’t look at Bill. Then it travelled downward through my neck, chest & stomach & i felt it leave. Through my ass! Although Bill says it is more likely that it found my center in my stomach 
Freaky stuff. What am I supposed to draw from that. Perhaps it is simply to know what I am feeling so I can recognise it and deal with it or atleast not react to it.
The rest of the session was taken up with me explaining my social self & him repeatedly concluding that I beat myself up way too much. He kept saying it is ok to be awkward & that everyone else feels awkward too. If I stood in Sauchiehall St I wouldn’t be alone in that feeling.
Is a lack of confidence at the root of everything. Probably & alcohol doesn’t help. I’m much less anxious & funnier without it. I mean who wants to talk to a drunk. Not me anyway.
